God wants your vote, stupid.

Pointless Thought #1: I wonder how long I will be able maintain an accurate numerical sequence on this damn thing.

Pointless Thought #2: Why is it the case that paper towel dispensers are found principally in the kitchen? Wouldn’t it make a great deal of sense to place them also in the restroom? I mean, there are myriad things that require a quick wipe of a handily disposable cloth, but they never quite seem to be in reach. A shift in the paradigm that we have assigned to paper towels appears to be in order, and is long overdue.

On to the mental heavy lifting…

GOD WANTS YOUR VOTE, STUPID.

As a Philosophy major, it is expected that I and my colleagues tackle matters of timeless importance. Such matters include ethics, epistemology, logic of various kinds, science, existentialism, law, religion, aesthetics, ad infinitum. Religion in general maintains a place of high priority in my philosophical studies, so I’ll write about it frequently, but more often than not, will be irreverent at best. At worst it will be terribly insensitive, and haphazardly put together as I do my best to type single-handedly so that I don’t spill my beverage (most likely a whiskey of some kind). Hey, good booze isn’t cheap. Can’t be wasting that shit.

So here’s my first crack at the whole blog thing. My friend Socrates prompted me to do, so if it’s terrible, bitch at this person: cogitater.tumblr.com Alright, now that I have passed the buck to my own satisfaction (and that’s really all that matters), we can begin our study of divine hiddenness.

God is not manifestly present in our lives. Why not? Who the fuck knows? Theists like to say that it is because god’s plan requires it. But this seems like a lot of bullshit. The following will be a very brief analogy of the way the whole god thing works. Basically, he or she is like a political candidate who seeks our vote, only in the god sense, he seeks a vote of confidence, or something akin to an oath of eternal allegiance. So I guess it’s like being in a union. Whatever. Here goes…

If God is a candidate who is seeking our vote, and the biblical authors are his campaign staff, and the bible is the press kit filled with everything we should know in order to justify a vote in him, it seems to me that GOD SHOULD FIRE HIS PR FIRM!!!! Let’s stipulate that god is the best candidate, but how could we ever know that if we only know him through a very flawed, unconvincing press kit? Some people, presumably, get to shake his hand and meet him, perhaps on some rare campaign stop, so they are ardent supporters of god. But what if you don’t ever get to meet god, and are left with nothing but crummy campaign fliers and lawn signs? How can god ever expect to get elected? Moreover, if god is an omniscient candidate, shouldn’t he have known that his PR firm would fail him? Or at least fail to convince those rational individuals who demand very convincing justifications for a vote in his favor? Does god only wish to gain the votes of those idiots who believe campaign commercials filled with bullshit promises?

These are the questions. The goal is to, (a) try to answer these questions without affirming the consequent, and (b) not sound like an idiot. Both (a) and (b) disallow appeals to anything the holy book of your inclination has to say on the matter, thus, you will be forced to appeal to reason alone. If you answer successfully, you will be a candidate for the prestigious Award of Excellence, which may, or may not, consist of an actually existing physical object indicating your excellence in some way.

Yours in contemplation,
Kierkegaard

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About facedownphilosophy

Proud recipient of the "Award for Outstanding Excellence in the Field of Unrivaled Superiority"
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2 Responses to God wants your vote, stupid.

  1. whitefrozen says:

    “Let them at least learn the nature of the religion they are attacking, before they attack it. If this religion boasted of having a clear vision of God, and of possessing Him plain and unveiled, then to say that nothing we see in the world reveals Him with this degree of clarity would indeed be to attack it. But it says, on the contrary, that man is in darkness and far from God, that He has hidden Himself from man’s knowledge, and that the name He has given Himself in the Scriptures is in fact The Hidden God (Is 45:15). Therefore if it seeks to establish these two facts: that God has in the church erected visible signs by which those who sincerely seek Him may recognize Him, and that he has nevertheless so concealed them that He will only be perceived by those who seek Him with all their hearts, what advantage can the attackers gain when, while admitting that they neglect to seek for the truth, they yet cry that nothing reveals it? For the very darkness in which they lie, and for which they blame the Church, establishes one of her two claims, without invalidating the other, and also, far from destroying her doctrine, confirms it” (Blaise Pascal, Pensees, 335).

    • Do not mistake my intentions; I was born in to a Mormon family, then raised in a fundamentalist Christian home – I’ve won awards for biblical and apologetics in the AWANA youth organization.

      The problem is that as my reason grew, my faith diminished. Ignorance really is bliss.

      The principle aim of my endeavor is to reason my way back to God. Reason being our trait most closely related to our purported similarity to God, I infer that that is our highest tribute to the Grand Architect of the Universe.

      Remember, “iron sharpens iron.” My answers will not come by not holding religion, and science, to the utmost scrutiny.

      DE OMNIBUS DUBITANDUM EST!

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